


Safety

by WindyQ



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Give Ki the love he needs, Gonkillu - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, The warnings are in the notes buttt! Self harm mention, poor kid goes through somuch shit, take Care of yourselfs even if it’s only briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:56:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27198829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindyQ/pseuds/WindyQ
Summary: Aunt Mito would never scold him right away, she’d hold him and comfort him and wipe away his tears. Even after when she’d tell him to be careful it was kind. Gon employs every bit of that he can.He pulls Killua closer and murmurs reassuring ‘It’s okay’s.’ and ‘I’ve got Killua.’ Over and over, even as his jacket gets drenched, until Killua pulls away and wipes his sleeve under his eyes.“Can Killua talk to me?” He’ll ask again like Aunt Mito had for him. ‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ While she wiped away the remains of tears. It was different in words, but holds the same patience and kindness, and Gon gently wipes the pad of his thumb under Killua’s eyes.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 10
Kudos: 115





	Safety

**Author's Note:**

> Has mentions of self harm in the form of starvation, sleep depravation, and hurting oneself physically be careful if that makes you squicky! It is just a mentioned mostly, but if it is upsetting to you be careful!

Gon was worried. Killua still wasn’t back from the restroom yet. He had run off earlier the moment his sister had offered him a box of Chocorobo’s after Killua insisted he wasn’t hungry. 

Gon could tell it wasn’t just bothering him alone. Alluka was playing with the folds of her dress, pressing her palms into it and scrunching the fabric. Her eyebrows pressed down, her eyes darting to give an occasional glance towards the public bathrooms near the center of the park.

Gon couldn’t just leave her here though, Killua wouldn’t have left if he hadn’t been here, Gon's sure of it. Then again, Killua’s face had been an alarmingly pale shade of paper white, and there had been pure panic in his eyes. That only made Gon feel more worried. 

He jumps off the nice little picnic blanket red checkered, brushing himself off, offering Alluka a large grin. “I’m going to go check on your big brother, okay?” 

Alluka looks up doe-eyed, and then stares at his now outstretched palm talking it. 

“Okay!” 

He keeps a steady pace, looking down and smiling at Alluka every so often. 

“Gon’s hand is warm! I can see why Big Brother would feel safe and warm around him!” 

She starts to swing their conjoined hands, giggling. 

“Killua said that?” 

“Mmm, not exactly, but Nanika and I can tell! Don’t tell him I said anything, kay?” 

Gon laughs, leaning down for a moment and taking his free hand and pressing his thumb out. 

“Okay! Then let’s seal it with a kiss! Me and My Aunt Mito do this all the time! You take your hand like this!”

He gently takes the girl’s hand and positions it correctly; fingers curled in and thumb out, before letting his meet with hers.

“Now it’s a promise!” 

Alluka’s face lights up and Gon tugs his hand away and stands up, her following suit, she doesn’t pull her hand back to its resting stance, instead staring at her thumb all the way till they reach the bathroom in unparalleled glee. 

“Alluka? I’m going to check on Killua, okay? If anything happens give the loudest shout you can!” 

He slowly pulls his fingers away, and Alluka nods, swaying back and forth on the heels of her feet. 

She just wanted to make sure her big brother was okay.

—

Gon walks towards the men’s restroom, keeping an eye on Alluka before his green boots meet the dirty tiled floor. 

“Killua? Are you okay?” 

He steps in further, staring at the three stalls, and the last one blown wide open, anticipating some response. 

The fifth and last light up above the mirrors flicker, and Gon takes another step forward. 

“Killua?” 

A choked up heave is the only thing he gets and Gon almost runs into the door of the first stall, rapping his knuckles against the cool metal. 

“Killua?!” 

“G-Gon...?”

It’s croaked out, a meek whisper, and it sounds like he had been crying too, like he still is... 

Gon grabs the handle of the door almost ripping it off its hinges, before Killua’s voice stops him and his fingers rest there lingering. 

“W-where’s Alluka?!” 

His voice raises in pitch due to the concern and panic, and Gon quickly shakes his head, trying to reassure Killua. 

“It’s okay! She’s just outside! I told her to yell if anything happens, she’ll be okay! I’m more worried about Killua, can he let me in?”

Gon closes his eyes, listening intently. Some shuffling, so he figures Killua is going to let him in, but then its dead silent for a while. The only sound Gon can pick up being his friends ragged breathing which only concerns him further. Then a loud thud. 

Gon eyes snap open. 

His fingers burn gripping the handle, panic seizing in his chest. 

“KILLUA?! KILLUA?!” 

Just as he’s about to cause property damage, Killua speaks once more as if he knew what Gon was about to do. 

“I-I’m fine, idiot... don’t do anything... go back outside... stay with Alluka...” 

He says he’s fine, but his voice wobbles and doesn’t hold nearly the same bite it normally does when he tries to stop Gon from doing something dumb.

One more chocked back mix of a heave and a sob is all Gon can handle. He looks around before eyeing the little slit at the bottom of the door leading to the stall. He gives one check over at the entrance before bending over and sitting down on the floor. Ignoring how grimy it felt, he slides under popping out on the other side. 

Killua is heaped over the toilet bowl, his fingers digging into the porcelain, knuckles somehow even paler than skin. Sweat is glistening and sticking his hair to the back of his neck. His turtleneck clinging much the same. He is visibly trembling, and that sends all of Gon’s worry into overdrive as he reaches forward his fingertips brushing the younger boy’s shoulder. 

“Killua’s shaking.” 

“G-Gon, I told you...” 

Killua stays on that note. That thought; peeling his shaky fingers away from the bowl and twisting his body.

He looks worse when Gon can see his face, and Gon swallows a lump in his throat. 

Eyes glazed over, dark lashes gooey and pulling over those dazed sapphires more than a couple of times, like he was about to pass out or fall asleep. His hair is messier than usual, sticking to his forehead, and bangs messed up, certain silver locks glued to the side instead of hanging in his eyes, soaking due to the sweat. Dark circles prominent against sickly pale skin. His pink lips are parted slightly as he breathes through them with irregular breaths, the vomit stain at a corner not going unnoticed. 

Then there was the fact that Killua. Amazing, breathtaking, Killua. Who hadn’t even been able to figure out he was here until he turned. 

“Gon... what... you moron.” 

Gon tugs Killua forward his fingers grasping at the boy’s wrist. He tries to ignore, oh, he wants to ignore how Killua’s wrist feels unnaturally thin, lithe as the boy is. He wants to ignore the bandages he can feel underneath the cloth of his shirt. 

“Killua...”

The younger tries to break from his grasp, choking on a breath, that quickly becomes more erratic, as he tries to pull in air from his rib cage. 

“Gon...! I told you! Alluka! I shouldn’t have left!” 

Killua tries to rip himself out of his grasp again, tugging back so fast the action makes him dizzy, and he almost hits his head on the back of the toilet bowl, Gon’s reflexes alone saving him as he grabs at Killua’s waist and tugs him forward into his chest.

“Killua! Calm down! I promise Alluka is okay! 

“Killua’s scaring me.” 

Scaring him because he was terrified for his best friend. Who was shaking like a baby deer trying to stand for the first time who almost blacked out and hit his head, who looked ill beyond belief. 

Killua sags against him and Gon is worried he did actually faint for a moment all until Killua weakly tugs his arms up and buries his fingers in Gon’s jacket. 

“I-I’m sorry. I’m scared Gon. I’m so scared.” 

Gon had expected Killua to get mad, frustrated, possibly even flustered, but he hadn’t expected those words to fall from Killua’s lips. Not brave, strong Killua’s. 

“...Can Killua talk to me?” 

Gon lightly, and oh, so gently runs his fingers through Killua’s sweaty sticky locks of hair, rubbing his other hand in circles near the boy’s prominent shoulder-blade. Also sticking out more than it should... 

He should’ve realized it all sooner. That something was wrong with Killua. The fact that the younger wouldn’t even accept Chocorobo’s meant something was wrong. 

Deeply wrong. 

Killua sobs and the tears fall and wet Gon’s jacket. Gon waits, he waits like Aunt Mito had when he was a kid. When he had gone out and ate too many raspberries off random bushes and came back home with a stomachache, tears streaming down his face. When he had fallen out of a tree to save a baby bird, by bringing it back to his nest. He was always hurt and he had always cried. 

Aunt Mito would never scold him right away, she’d hold him and comfort him and wipe away his tears. Even after when she’d tell him to be careful it was kind. Gon employs every bit of that he can. 

He pulls Killua closer and murmurs reassuring ‘It’s okay’s.’ and ‘I’ve got Killua.’ Over and over, even as his jacket gets drenched, until Killua pulls away and wipes his sleeve under his eyes. 

“Can Killua talk to me?” He’ll ask again like Aunt Mito had for him. ‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ While she wiped away the remains of tears. It was different in words, but holds the same patience and kindness, and Gon gently wipes the pad of his thumb under Killua’s eyes.

“I... I... I’m so scared, Gon. I’m scared my brother is going to find us... and... and...” 

Gon shushes him, rubbing his thumb lightly near Killua’s collarbone. 

“He’s going to take Alluka back to them... and they’ll lock her and Nanika up, maybe hurt them... and... I...” 

“I don’t know what to do, Gon... I feel so hopeless... I’m scared...” 

Gon scooches forward pulling his arms around Killua and tugging the boy back into a hug, Killua’s head dipping and falling on his shoulder.

“I got so scared... I wouldn’t be able to stand up to him... I... I started my training regimen from when I was smaller...”

Gon’s blood runs ice-cold. He seethes. From the inside out he sees nothing but red for a moment. Red hatred for every damm family member that did this to Killua. 

“What did Killua do?” 

Gon pulls back in his rage. He has to be there for Killua. He isn’t harsh in his wording, it’s soft. Always kind. Like Aunt Mito. 

Killua sniffs, and Gon gives him all the time he needs, simply rubbing his back as the younger boy hiccups. 

“You know... training stuff... no food or water for three days, no sleep for three... electricity training... poison resistance training... pain tolerance...”

Killua’s voice cracks at the end and Gon heart breaks. Especially when he feels Killua start to shake more violently against him. 

“What they did to Killua wasn’t training.” 

He holds Killua close, so close, something dark and despairing sparking in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry...” 

Gon shakes his head, running his hands up and down Killua arms to try to warm the boy up, who he knows isn’t just shaking from crying alone. 

“It’s okay. Killua’s so brave and strong for his sisters. Killua’s so brave. So kind. I don’t want Killua to hurt himself anymore. I promise Killua, I’m getting stronger. Everyday. I’m getting more and more of my Nen back. I’ll help Killua.” 

He pauses, pressing a small kiss to the top of Killua’s head, and pulling the younger boy back. 

“I’ll get strong. And I’ll protect Killua and his sisters.” 

Killua stares wide-eyed and flushed, cheeks blooming pink from a mixture of the condition he put himself in and the embarrassment. 

“What does Killua think? Why don’t we ask for some help until then? We can ask Ikalgo, I’m sure he’d wanna help Killua! And Palm and Meleoron! We can ask Bisky for help too! I don’t want Killua to hurt himself anymore.” 

He reaches out placing a calloused hand on Killua’s cheek, drenched and cold somewhat, but so very soft, and Killua gasps, but leans into the touch. 

“O-okay...” 

He knew Killua wanted to take it alone. Killua always had. Gon had just never know. He was a little shocked Killua agreed. It could be he was delirious from the lack of nutrients in his body, mixed with no sleep and poison, and things Gon doesn’t even want to think about. Killua harmed himself... all because he was scared. Gon wouldn’t let him feel like that ever again... if Killua later less delirious changed his mind, Gon wouldn’t back down. He’d convince Killua as many times as he needs. To accept help.

Gon pulls back, taking off his jacket with ease and placing it around Killua’s shoulders. 

“After this lets go see Aunt Mito, okay? She can make Killua some chicken noodle soup. That should help him feel better some.” 

Killua hums in contentment his head drooping down once in a while until he shakes himself back awake. Gon has to stop himself from laughing and finding it cute. Or perhaps it would be better if he did, even if Killua might get angry at him. If he thought to long on why Killua was exhausted he might lose it. 

“Killua, up!” 

Killua opens up his eyes, slowly looking at Gon who was gesturing to his neck, dumbfounded a pout slowly crossing his face, mixed with a blush.

“...’M not a baby...” 

“I know!” 

He holds his arms out and Killua too tired to really argue wraps them around Gon’s neck. Gon scoops up Killua his hand going under Killua’s rump the other resting on his back. 

Killua squawks, hiding his burning face in Gon’s chest. 

“How is it? Is it warm and safe for Killua?” 

Gon giggles remembering what Alluka had said. 

Killua looks up face ablaze. 

“N-No! It’s terrible! The worst!” 

Gon laughs, leaning down and pecking Killua on the forehead, ignoring the other boys flustered and slurred whines. 

“We’ve kept Alluka long enough, let’s go.”

Besides, he had a little something to tell Alluka later to make her day! How her brother turned bright red and, so in turn her assumption was right! Plus, maybe it made Gon a little happy too. Just don’t tell Killua.

**Author's Note:**

> Bridal carry/princess carry is my fave no doubt, but a v close second threatening to take first place is Gon carrying Ki like a baby I need it. There’s just something so sweet about it to me, because I doubt Ki was carried like that much at all once he got to like one years old, so he wouldn’t even remember. I know Silva’s bitch ass was probs training his kids to walk at an early age. Not a spelling error. Training. And then Torture fuck Silva.
> 
> Anyway this was a mess I liked the concept my brain came up with tho so I had to write it, even if I’ll never do it justice. 
> 
> It’s a little self indulgent so owjsisis forgive me if it’s a little/totally completely ooc rip. 
> 
> Thanks for reading 😭😭😭😭🤧. Love me plz, maybe? 
> 
> Killua deserves love! Add me on my discord if you wanna chat or RP with my Ki WindyQ#6831 or here’s tumbles as per the usual! http://windyqs.tumblr.com/ I also have a Twitter now! Follow me so I won’t be lonely in Twitter hell https://twitter.com/windsqs


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